~littlefewosawaptor

I think for the last year or so Ive kind of been deluding myself into thinking I can cope in a normal routine and life. Its only since things have started snow balling 3 months ago that the fact I cant has solidified. There have been improvements but at the same time theres been a lot of downfalls, and one of them is that my body just cant cope with what Im putting it through, and Ive been trying to ignore it and just carry on. Which in all honesty has made it worse.

So it looks like Im back to square one in a sense. Stricter sleeping routines, stricter diet, realising that most of the meds I cut out because I was just taking so much are actually too important to be off, and taking some other exhausting steps towards getting myself on track. Back to regular doctors visits and hourly meds. Back to no freedom...

Its really daunting atm. Itll probably seem a little bit better tomorrow, or in a few days. But right now it just seems that the small fragments of normality I clawed back are being taken away for my bodies own good. Which just makes you wonder what piece of junk I got stuck with. Its a bit disheartening, because I spent so many years trying so so hard, and the one moment I thought I could ease up and have a life its proven to not be the greatest thing. Back then I was a huge loner and didnt really need or have a lot of friends, now thats changed and I have to find ways of juggling both that and my physical well being, which is going to be hard because the two dont frequently coincide. Ever... Losing all the things that made me comfortable and happy, which are so few as it is, for things that are going to make me healthier.

I know in the end this is going to be the best and most positive route, because Im taking a more active and constructive role in my health and well being. It just sucks that it doesnt make it easier to handle.

Hopefully Ill feel better about it tomorrow... right now I just dont want to face it.